I pretty much live my life with unwavering faith in God. I have a very optimistic personality and see the good in situations (most of the time) However, there have been heartbreaks, disappointments and struggles that have left me wondering "Why". Some of those situations, I can now look back on and say "Oh, that is why, Thank you God" And then other situations have left me utterly amazed saying "Wow God!" Such is the time when God struck my heart with the thought of how He alone can change our "Why God?" into "Wow God!"
The day I was in the ER room waiting for the DR to come back in and confirm that my foot was indeed broken is a day that brings me to my biggest "Why God" moment. This dreadful day comes into my mind very clearly, every detail still raw and fresh as if it were just yesterday. My husband and I had been a terrible car wreck and had been transported to the hospital by ambulance. The guy who had hit us did not have insurance and was able to walk away with out any injuries. My husband's truck was totaled. We were blessed to be left alive.
Once we had arrived at the hospital they immediately took us separate ways. They took me in for several X-rays as I thought my foot might be broken. Then they brought me back to a room to await the DR, What seemed like a lifetime passed before he or anyone else ever came back into the room. The kind DR ( total sarcasm) had absolutely no skills in the bedside manner department neither seemed to have any enjoyment in his job He quickly told me that my foot was not broken. He dryly told me that however during the CAT scan they discovered that I had several large tumors in my uterus that needed to be removed immediately. He asked me if I had any children. I was still a little stunned to answer, so I nodded my head no and wondered to myself if this meant I had cancer or if I was dying. He very abruptly told me that I would never be able to have children and that I needed to have a hysterectomy as soon as possible. I felt as if he had just kicked me in the gut and slapped me in the face all at the same time. I couldn't breath and my foot that I just knew was broken was sending a sharp pain all the way to my heart. ( Or was my heart breaking from the news the DR had just given me) I was trying to concentrate on what the DR was saying but he was talking so fast and matter-of-factly that the next thing I knew I heard him say, "Now do not ask me any questions, save those for your OBGYN" and he turned around and left just as quickly as he had entered. There I was alone, confused, shocked in terrible pain and not able to talk to anyone. The tears began to pour down my face as the words "You will not be able to have any children" rang in my ears over and over and over. I began to pray, then began to question God wondering "Why God?" It didn't seem fair and I couldn't understand how this could be happening to me. It was not in my plans and what about all of my dreams of being a mother. How would my husband of just a few years take this news. Where was my husband, when would I get to see him. How was he? Gracious, was he okay?
Several hours later, he was released and brought into my room. I was a total mess by that point! I explained to him what the DR had said. He was very supportive and encouraging. The poor guy had a broken arm and a broken foot but was far more concerned about me than his own pain and injuries. We were soon released to go home and start our recovery process.
I later found out that my foot was indeed broken (ha!) I went through several weeks of painful physical therapy, so the news of my tumors were put to the back of my mind. But once my body had recovered and I was healthy enough to visit my OBGYN she confirmed what the DR had said to be true. I had several large fibroid tumors and due to the location that they were in it would be impossible for me to have children. She also did not recommend me having them removed but recommended me to have a hysterectomy when I was ready. My husband was there with me and could see the disappointment all over my face. When we left her office and were on our way home we decided that we would put the matter in God's hands. We promised each other that we would not become bitter but that we would be the happiest married couple in the world and serve God with our whole heart.
If you know me or have seen any of the post in my blog you know that this is not the end of my story. We lived by that. We were truly happy but I would be lying if I said I never question God or that my heart did not long to be a mommy. I still asked God "Why". But God does not have to explain why. He works in ways we can not understand. His ways are not our ways nor His thoughts our thoughts. God loves to work with the impossible and loves to still preform miracles. In 2013 we found out that we were pregnant. When my son was born his DR and the hospital named him the Miracle Baby. And he truly is. I was allowed to see a miracle in my life. God changed my "Why God" into "Wow God" I have been able to share my testimony several times with other ladies. I am able to give God the glory. Every time someone has mentioned how cute he is, I am able to share the fact that he is a miracle.
Maybe you are going thru something to big for you. Your world had been rocked and your feet have been knocked out from under you. You feel as if you can not breath another breathe. Isn't wonderful that nothing is to big for God. The words of the child's song are very inspiring words for us to remember, "My God is so great, so strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God can not to".
Maybe your "Why God" is your health or a financial struggle. Maybe your sorrow is causing a depression you can not get out of. Is it loneliness or rejection, heartbreak or disappointment. No matter if it is your job, your family or your church that has left you pleading "Why God" just remember He is in control and NOTHING is too big for Him. Give Him the opportunity to change your "Why God into Wow God".
